Day Date with Mom
My oldest took a mini vacation with his grandma, leaving my littlest and I alone for a week. I treasure this one-on-one time with him more than I think he understands. Having this time without his older brother has given him the chance to stop always taking the back seat (2nd child problems) and let his personality shine. The more opportunities we've had to do this, the more I am coming to terms with the fact that this kid is just a tiny version of me- right down to the looks, personality and moods.
This chance to have me all to himself left him begging to go mini golfing. We had gone once a few weeks back, and he fell in love with it. I was expecting it to be one of those things we'd try once and it would turn out to be just insanely annoying, both of us would leave in tears and frustrated, and maybe paying out of pocket for a broken window or 3. To my surprise this kid took right to it. He wanted to know the rules. He wanted to know the right way to hit the ball. Part of me wonders why I was surprised, given this kids affinity and natural talent towards everything and anything sports. I mean, at two he was already able to hold a baseball in one hand and bat it with other. He's got that natural talent that most people would kill to have.
My love for this one-on-one time with him is strong. Knowing how much like me he is and understanding how my brain works and the struggles and demons I have fought off over the years, I really want to create this bond with him that will be strong enough to help him over power them. If I can predict his personality as well as I think I can, he is going to need that one place he can come to that will give him the reassurance and calm that he is going to need.
Part of me used to think my connection to him is so strong because of the guilt I carried (and still do) over my feelings during most of the pregnancy with him. Some thoughts I will not post publicly because he deserves to hear them from me when he is old enough to understand and ask questions. Summed up, it was not the best shock to see a positive pregnancy test while tending to a six month old. Especially when both hubby and I were recovering from post natal depression, and I had just started a new job only working part time (no maternity leave) with no FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act) coverage for a year.
As with all things, everything happens for a reason. My littlest completed a part of me I didn't know was missing. Watching him grow up is both heart wrenching and incredible. Likely he is my last baby. Before long my cuddles will be gone, my constant "mommy I love you" (seriously, every 5 minutes most days) will cease. He is going to be a boy, then a teenager and soon enough a grown man. There are days I want time to slow down. There are days I just want nothing more than for time to speed up. The only thing I don't want is for time to stop. Stop means stalling. If time stopped the utter joy I get from watching him learn and discover new things would disappear. That joy is easily the best part of being a parent for me.
For now, I will savor these chances to have dates with my kids. Taking them out to explore and do things with me to help us grow closer. Even something as simple as mini golfing means a chance to have mom to themselves. Days like this are good for the soul. <3
Until next time,
Erin Berry, Photographer