Mental Health Series #2

Mental Health Series #2

In keeping up with my new series on mental health I want to elaborate a little on my last post. In November 2016, I came out to family and friends as being a bisexual woman. I needed to lose the weight that keeping this secret was weighing on me. I thought I had prepared myself for the reactions and the questions that would follow, but I apparently never prepared myself for some of the immediate backlash I received. People openly questioning my marriage, people silently judging my choices. The pain of that was more than I expected- and that was only from two or three people. Majority of my friends and family were overly supportive, but because of those two or three people I starting questioning their motives. That spiraled to questioning every person that looked at me-to the point it was not only unhealthy, it was debilitating to me. I stopped wanting to socialize out of fear. The anxiety from questioning every little look and word was so incredibly exhausting.

From this start is where I got to the point of even being to anxious to talk to my children. I was being tormented in my own head over every little thing my 4 and 3 year old said to me. It was like mom guilt in overdrive.

As I sat one night at my kitchen table, after the kids went to bed, I googled the process for admitting yourself to an inpatient facility for help. Even then, I was too anxious to entertain the thought for very long, because it would mean a new environment with new people. At the very least it forced me to finally call my doctor and schedule an appointment. This step was the hardest from everything I've done.

Erin BerryComment